When I feel alone
I remember to be grateful
That I know how to stand on my own
Last night I was outside, the air was warm and the sky was clear. I looked up into the vast universe and felt infinitely small. This little rhyme popped into my head, and the more I meditate on it, the more it resonates with me. I go to a very small high school– about 80 kids per class. Being in such a small setting for four years can feel extremely limiting, so much so that I even tried to graduate early. I am so grateful for all the people I’ve met over these four years, but I have thoughts and ideas that has constantly mold and reshape the way I see the world, filling me with questions and poems and song lyrics and images that I want to fill the world with. I see people walking around, held up by the people surrounding them, and I’m often jealous. I don’t have someone I can call up and go on a walk, turning even the dreariest park into an adventure; or talk to for hours, while the embers in the fire die and even the moon falls asleep. It can be really hard sometimes, to feel like there isn’t someone you can turn to, but I’ve been reminding myself of the strength this has given me. Every time I’ve relied on other people to make me feel special, I immediately feel more alone than ever the moment it ends. My family has been the best source of support (my mom is my literal best friend), but I’m at school for 8+ hours a day, and friends have always been a temporary thing for me. Being alone and not have a constant source of people has actually made me realize how strong I am on my own. It can be really hard, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so empowering when I stop and think of all the things I’ve accomplished on my own.